Sweet tea? Y’all want some sweet tea?September 23, 2010
September 19 AP 262– Sweet tea and talented actors. Two totally separate appreciations for today. Not related to each other. Okay, and we are talkin’ straight up dirty south sweet tea. Like, take-a-gulp-and-get-Diabetes sweet tea. City Barbeque sweet tea. You could pretty much put this sweet tea on your pancakes for breakfast. I.Love.It. And on a completely different note, thank goodness for talented actors who can tear your heart to shreds with just one look. Sean Penn. I fell head-over-heels for Sean Penn several several years ago when I watched Mystic River… that part when he found out his daughter was dead? Wow. And from there I saw I Am Sam and then made sure to see every movie starring Sean Penn ever. There are other actors I like of course, but we watched Dead Man Walking this day, so he gets the special mention.
September 20 AP 263– Candles. No particular reason. I lit the ones in my room, which is a rare occasion for some reason, and enjoyed it.
September 21 AP 264– Having someone I can talk to comfortably… about anything. From completely random silly things to entirely intimately personal things. Feeling vulnerable and safe. I mean, I am usually an open book and my personal life just kind of flows from me without any filter whatsoever. However, my life is this Crazy Town ride now (admittedly an entirely boring and uneventful Crazy Town ride…) and I suppose I just don’t feel like yapping about it much. As a matter of fact, I have really withdrawn. My own little life is within my own little self where is is safe and secure and no one can touch it. So when someone comes along who can break in and share it with me… it’s nice.
September 22 AP 265– Being able to embrace the present and remember/appreciate the past. Let’s see, when this first went down I was a basket case. ALL I could think about was what I had lost and what would never be. I fought it. Kicking and screaming and crying and turning into a pathetic begging-him-back blubbering basket case, I fought it. Then when I realized it was hopeless I hardened my heart and pushed it out of my mind. I didn’t let myself even consider it. I put all my energy into other things that made me completely forget about my situation and everyone involved. But lately I’ve been slowly letting thoughts surface, and I am able to linger on memories and cherish them then mourn them, one at a time, while feeling hopeful about and even enjoying where I’m at now. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t still hard as hell, no matter how miserable I was then or happy I may be now. As a matter of fact, I am crying while I write this. I still harden and withdraw, and feel insecure and skeptical. But I guess that’s what grief is: a process.