Stumble and FallNovember 3, 2010
October 30 AP 303– Getting all winter-suited up with good deals. I’m totally NOT a shopper. And if I am I’m not a bargain shopper because when I DO shop my main goal is to get in and out as soon as possible. And if I end up with something I don’t like or that doesn’t fit? Tough, I live with it. I have no idea why I am like this, but I can tell you one thing I know for sure: I did NOT inherit this from either my mother OR my father, and as much as Dad likes to complain that Mom dillydallies and takes forever in stores he’s not Mr. Lightning McSpeedShopper himself. Me? I am. So when I can walk in a place (Kohl’s) and within forty minutes have a winter coat, winter boots, winter boots for Adry, and hats and gloves all for $100 I feel pretty accomplished.
October 31 AP 304– Dave’s life, love, and legacy. I appreciate Dave’s influence on our lives and all of our memories with him as much as I miss him. I appreciate the friendships he fostered, and that he was the glue that tied so many unlike people together– He brought them together with such an impact that they will always feel that connection.
I miss your jokes, I miss the laughter, I miss that edge you brought to the group, and I miss all of the encouraging things you made sure to say to me. I wonder what you’d say to me now? I hate that your beautiful family doesn’t have you here, and that they miss you more than I ever hope to comprehend.
November 1 AP 305– Ben and I cooperate/get along. So, if I just said, Mr. Douche DoucheBagington Strikes Again and you had ONE guess, who would automatically pop into your head? My lips are sealed, but I just want to say thank tha lawd my soon-to-be ex husband kept his screws tightened and cares enough about Adry to treat me decently and have patience with me and work things out with me. Thank tha lawd he wasn’t all, “I’m going to leave you and my son! What, you’re upset about that? What, you have an opinion about that? Psh, unacceptable! I’m going to chase rainbows and ponies and cut myself off from the entire disapproving world! And then I’m going to call you names and play the victim. THAT’LL SHOW YOU!”
November 2 AP 306– Isaiah 40.
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
I’m not going to lie, I’ve just straight up been having a lot of trouble trusting God. No, no- It’s more like I’ve been having trouble wanting what He has to give. I have faith in Him. I believe his promises. I also believe I’ve mucked up a lot of my life by not listening to Him and going my own way. He wants faithfulness, and He wants obedience, and He wants surrender and I just want to feel good. I want to run away from my depression, I want to indulge. I want to be selfish- you know,the epitome of sin. Because I don’t feel like I have the strength to be anything other than that. Because I have this idea in my head that following Christ means taking up my cross. It means hard work, and it will make me feel outcasted and lonely. And I suppose that’s what following Christ DOES mean, but it also means I can lean on him and find rest for my soul because his yoke is easy and his burden is light.
Categories: Ciao Bella Vita : Daily Journal